Understanding Grief: Why Loss Feels Louder During the Holidays

Grief is not limited to the loss of a loved one. It also shows up when a relationship ends, when someone is no longer emotionally available, when a chapter of life closes, or when the future you imagined quietly disappears. Whether you are grieving a person or a relationship, grief is the body and heart’s response to loss and it deserves care, patience, and compassion.

Grief can feel especially heavy during special occasions, such as Christmas, holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, or milestones. These moments highlight what or who is missing, often intensifying emotions you may have been managing day to day. While the world celebrates, grief can make you feel out of sync, lonely, or unseen.

This blog explores the stages of grief and what you can actively do to support yourself through them especially during emotionally charged seasons.

FTC Disclaimer: Some links in this guide may be affiliate links. If you purchase a product with the links that I provide I may receive a small commission. There is no additional charge to you!

Why Grief Feels Harder During Holidays and Special Occasions

Holidays like Christmas are built around connection, tradition, and togetherness. When someone is gone—physically or emotionally—the absence becomes louder.

You May Notice:

• A stronger sense of loneliness or sadness

• Nostalgia for how things “used to be”

• Pressure to appear happy or festive

• Guilt for not feeling joyful

Grief during these times does not mean you are regressing. It means love and loss are being reminded of each other.

Understanding Of the 5 Stages of Grief (A Flexible Framework)

The stages of grief are not linear. You may revisit certain stages repeatedly, especially around holidays or meaningful dates. There is no correct order and no deadline for healing.

1. Denial – “This Doesn’t Feel Real.”

Denial protects you from emotional overload. It allows reality to enter gradually.

Common Experiences:

• Emotional numbness

• Going through the motions

• Avoiding reminders, gatherings, or conversations

What You Can Actively Do:

• Allow numbness without forcing feelings

• Practice grounding: slow breathing, gentle walks, noticing your senses

• Reduce holiday pressure—participate only as much as feels safe

2. Anger – “This Isn’t Fair.”

Anger often surfaces when the loss sinks in. It may be directed at a person, yourself, circumstances, or even the season itself.

Common Experiences:

• Irritability or resentment

• Feelings can easily be triggered

• Anger toward traditions or celebrations

What You Can Actively Do:

• Move your body to release stored emotion

• Write uncensored thoughts in a journal

• Remind yourself: anger often guards deeper sadness

3. Bargaining – “If Only…”

Bargaining is the mind’s attempt to undo the loss or regain control.

Common Experiences:

• Replaying conversations or decisions

• Imagining different outcomes

• Self-blame or regret

What You Can Actively Do:

• Gently notice when the mind loops

• Write a letter you don’t send, expressing unfinished thoughts

• Practice self-compassion—you acted with the knowledge you had at the time

4. Depression – “I Feel The Weight Of This.”

• This stage reflects the deep sadness of acknowledging what has been lost.

Common Experiences:

• Fatigue, heaviness, or emptiness

• Loss of motivation or interest

• Wanting to withdraw, especially during social events

What You Can Actively Do:

• Let yourself grieve without rushing healing

• Maintain simple structure: sleep, nourishment, light movement

• Reach out to one safe person—grief softens when witnessed

• Seek professional support if the sadness feels overwhelming or prolonged

5. Acceptance – “This Is Part Of My Story Now.”

• Acceptance doesn’t mean approval. It means learning to live alongside the loss.

Common Experiences:

• Less emotional intensity

• More moments of calm

• A growing sense of meaning or direction

What You Can Actively Do:

• Create new traditions that honor your current capacity

• Allow moments of joy without guilt

• Integrate the loss into your life rather than resisting it

Gentle Ways to Care for Yourself While Grieving

These practices can support you at any stage, especially during holidays:

1. Lower Expectations

Grief takes energy. When you expect yourself to function as if nothing has changed, you create unnecessary suffering on top of the loss itself.

Lowering expectations is an act of self-compassion.

Example:
You attend a holiday dinner and notice you feel flat or heavy. Lowering expectations means not forcing cheerfulness or judging yourself for not enjoying it.

2. Tend to Your Nervous System

Grief lives in the body.  Grief is exhausting—mentally, emotionally, and physically.

• Do some deep breath work and meditations

• Physical activity helps release stored tension and stress hormones. Opt for low-effort activities like slow walks, stretching, or yoga, rather than intense exercise.

• Take sufficient rest and sleep, maintain hydrated and eat regularly (even in small amounts when loss of appetite)

3. Express Rather Than Suppress

Unexpressed grief often turns into anxiety or numbness.

• Write a journal about your feelings and thoughts

• Creating art can provide a non verbal outlet for complex emotions, reducing stress hormones like cortisol, and fostering a sense of control and mindfulness. 

• Talk with someone who listens without fixing.

4. Set Boundaries Around Gatherings

It’s okay to leave early, skip events, or say no altogether.

• You are allowed to turn down gatherings if you’re not ready for them yet.

• You do not have to force yourself to be happy around others if you’re not.

• You don’t need to feel festive, grateful, or positive. Show up as you are.

Instead Of Expecting:

• “I should feel happy at Christmas.”

• “I should be over this by now.”

Try Allowing:

• “It’s okay if I feel sad, neutral, or disconnected.”

• “My feelings make sense given what I’ve lost.”

5. Create Rituals of Remembrance or Release

• Light a candle

• Write a goodbye or gratitude letter

• Honor what was while making space for what is

  Grief often pulls us in two directions at once. One part of us wants to hold on—to memories, people, versions of life that once felt safe or meaningful. Another part knows that life has changed and cannot return to what it was. Learn how to carry the past with tenderness without letting it prevent you from living in the present.

It is the balance between remembrance and acceptance.

Grief Is a Reflection of Love

Grief exists because something mattered. It is not a sign of weakness—it is proof of connection, attachment, and love.

During seasons like Christmas, grief may feel sharper. That doesn’t mean you are moving backward. It means your heart remembers. Healing does not erase the past. It allows you to carry it with less pain and more tenderness.

If you are grieving right now, especially during a season meant for joy, know this: you are not broken, behind, or alone. You are human—and your grief deserves gentleness.

Wow Yourself!